Fathers have a huge impact on each and every one of us. That may be a good and positive thing for some, and it may be very negative to others. Good or bad, loving or not, fathers really influence us and form some of our perspective on life and relationships.

One of the most familiar verses in the Bible about fathers is in Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” I want to focus on the two words of instruction, but first, let’s consider that prohibition.

Fathers are commanded not to “exasperate” their children. The root word there has “anger” in it, so the translation not to “provoke them to anger” is quite accurate. This is interesting to me. We are all responsible for our own actions and reactions, and thus, we are responsible for responding in anger (if and when we do). But we all know people who “egg us on.” They just… well, exasperate us, or do all they can to provoke us to get angry.

So, dads, don’t do that to your kids. First, they’re still learning about their emotions and learning how to handle them. They don’t need fathers who provoke them. They’ll get enough of that at school. At home, they need a safe place with love and encouragement, and help from dad to deal with those things.

Let’s look at those two words – two things dads need to be pouring into their children. The first is training. This word is full of meaning. We could use the word disciple here (some fathers really like that translation). It means to “guide with actions” (in contrast to the word that’s coming next – to guide with words). When I think of training, I think of sports. People train for the Olympics, or for a marathon, or for some other specific event. That means effort, concentration, focus, repetition, and progress. So “training” our children is a process of working with them that takes lots of time (and patience), effort, focus on the needs of each individual child, and guidance for many years.

I really like the word cultivate here. Training our children is much like cultivating a garden. You have to prepare the soil. You have to plant the seed. You have to pull some weeds. You have to water the plants. And it all happens slowly, patiently, and with repetition over lots of time. But the rewards are great in the end. You can’t just dump lots of water one day and forget it all for a while. It takes care, day-after-day and week-after-week.

Do you see the analogy with your children? We can’t just download on them when it’s convenient for us and expect that they get it all. Maturity is a slow process, and we have to prepare their hearts, and plant, and water over and over through the years. And yes, there are times we have to pull some weeds.

The other word is instruction. That word there means to “guide with words.” Dads, this is really hard for some of you. As fathers, we need to give instruction to our children, and especially to our sons. We need to talk things over with them; discuss issues with them; give spiritual guidance to them. And to do that, we need to talk.

My dad was a carpenter, and thus, not much of a talker. But he did a great job. One of my best memories is going out with my dad and brother to Putt Putt golf. When we were in high school, we did it a lot. We bought the 10-game tickets so we could go back again and again. But it wasn’t all about the putting. Our time together was invaluable. We had fun. But we also talked about just about anything. It was casual, informal, and yet, instructive and meaningful.

Dads, you have a great responsibility. You will impact your children. Make the most of it!